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If you do that, it shouldn’t be in the vein of “here’s how to smooth this over.” It should be “that was a horrible thing to say and I hope you’ll consider apologizing to everyone who heard it.” You don’t have a professional obligation to do that since you’re not her boss, but if you’re friendly with her, it’s hard to imagine continuing that relationship without addressing what she said.And either way, it would be a good thing for Jane to hear that it wasn’t just the boss’s wife who took issue with what she said.
During this dinner, I was in the dining room with the boss’s wife and several of my coworkers, including one I’ll call Jane, who is a young woman in her early 20s.
Several of us (including the boss’s wife) were curious — we’ve heard of Tinder, but we’re not in the dating scene — how does it work?
So Jane pulled out her phone and demonstrated the app — what you see of someone’s profile, how you swipe, etc.
If he’s going to address it, he should address it directly with Jane.
(And who knows, maybe he has.) If you say anything to anyone here, it should be to Jane to suggest that she apologize — not just to the wife, but to everyone who heard her.
Should I say something to Jane that she might be well served by apologizing again to the wife for her inappropriate behavior? His wife reacted entirely appropriately in the moment — she called Jane out on a horrible thing.
She’s continuing to react appropriately now; people being chilly to you is a reasonable consequence when you say a horrible racist thing, and Jane will need to live with that consequence.
I work in a solo physician’s office — doctor and 12 employees.
We have all worked for him a long time and our office is casual, informal, and friendly.
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The doctor was in the kitchen with the other half of the guests.